New me, same crisis. Having a quarter life crisis? You’re not alone
As a 20 something, white, heterosexual woman who grew up in a privileged position, attending one of Melbourne’s highly esteemed schools … shout out to my flute for getting me through many years of my music scholarship, despite a distaste of having to attend flute choir every Thursday during lunch while my friends chilled the fuck out.
So what’s the point? Well, the context of the above I say because, I’ve nothing to complain about really. I’ve had and have a great life filled with many opportunities and factors setting me up for success. Waiting for the but? Here it comes.
But see, nothing makes you reflect on how you feel and where you’re at than navigating the first few months of a new year. With goal setting, identity checking in mind, I feel I’m now at a point in my mid twenties where I’ve never been so sure but also unsure of who I am, what I’m doing and where I’m going at the same time. So, can the two co-exist? This is what I’m trying to find out.
Harvard Business Review tells me the quarter life crisis that hits in your mid to late twenties is emotionally the worst time in your life. Great!
Science-based activity app Happify, helping users overcome negative thoughts, stress and broader life challenges, analysed data from some 88,000 respondents, identifying a sharp increase in stress levels in their mid to late twenties.
Taking it to where my news and information consumption takes place, shout out to my TikTok algorithm and curated For You Page, I know I’m not alone. I even shared a video speaking to my mid-twenties identity crisis, amassing some 31,000 views, 259 comments, 2096 likes and 204 saves. So, the research speaks for itself.
I constantly find myself having conversations with my fellow mid-twenties friends (especially those from where I grew up) that “we’re officially in the next chapter of our lives” … cue the engagement announcements, babies, home ownership and more.
25-year-old Executive Assistant Jordyn, who returned to work this year following her post pandemic European vacation and a 7 month employment break, shared a similar thought pattern to me. “It feels like such a weird period of life to navigate. While I haven’t earned an income for 7 months and am focused on starting a completely new role, one of my best friends is getting married this year,” she says.
See despite the fact that I have literally been with my partner since I was 18 years old and have never felt so secure and sure of my relationship, I couldn’t feel further from that next life stage. Maybe in part is because I quit my job last year. Off to do big career girl things, take risks, live life etc.
I think I’ve always been one to question the status quo. Truthfully, I struggled working for someone and with the traditional 9-5 structure. I didn’t like not being able to do things my own way, even if it meant I failed or was wrong. Maybe it’s selfish or delulu of me. Maybe it makes me unlikeable or a bit of pain but it’s how I am. Also, who wants to work 5 days a week for the next 40 years? Not me.
There has to be a better, more efficient way and if you’re passionate about something, why not take the risk and pursue it? Growing up with two older parents (my mum being the breadwinner and boss lady in our household) they always let me shine, try things my way. I think I’ve always seen something less traditional reflected in the household structure and possibilities of life. Dad took me to ballet class, music lessons, to school.
If it isn’t obvious from the ramblings of my mind, there are a range of different factors that have led me to this point. I’ve had and I have this urge that I’ve got bigger fish to fry. My problem is, I’m not really sure what that fish is? Where is my yellow brick road? Cue, the existential life crisis.
I feel like I’m faced with an endless number of paths. So many avenues of possibility. Am I on the right career path? Should I start a business? Should I save and travel? Should I save and buy a home? Should I be starting to think about when I want to have kids? Am I doing enough? Could I be doing more?
How the fuck am I supposed to know which path to go down? The decision fatigue keeps me up at night.
Not to mention the pace of life online and navigating comparison culture. Let’s not pretend we don’t do it or it doesn’t exist, especially as we dive further and further into what it means to build a digital footprint and existence in the online world. I won’t deep dive comparison culture, because that’s a whole different kettle of fish.
But I suppose, you’re at a loss and frankly so am I. How do we combat and conquer a mid-twenties life crisis? What are some key takeaways? I’ll leave that to Psychotherapist, Author & Coach Tess Brigham who helps 20-somethings navigate career-related crossroads.
Releasing True You: A Step-by-Step Guide to Conquering Your Quarter Life Crisis, she guides young adults and early-career professionals as they navigate life’s varied challenges, finding answers inside, enabling confidence while journeying through this messy, quarter-life process. I’ll leave you on an acronym she penned in Forbes, from the word PAUSE, a new part of my 2024 plan.
P – Practice mindfulness, taking a moment every now and then to let your thoughts gather in real-time to understand what drives your thought patterns and behaviour.
A – Acknowledge your past, reflecting on previous lived experience and its impact in order to set intentions for what is yet to come.
U – Understand you now. What does success mean and look like to you? How do external factors impact you internally? What is helping and hindering your ability to build the life you desire?
S – Stop judging yourself and others, because who really knows what they’re doing anyway? Life is messy and truthfully, we’re all making it up as we go.
E – Enjoy the process.
And of course, (try to) trust it too. For more on quarter-life crisis’ … head here.
